The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All

Легендарната „Песен за таралежа“, изпълнявана от време на време от Леля Ог из безбройните романчета с меки корици на Тери Пратчет.Текстът е от части взет от книгите, а останалото е импровизация. По-долу е и линка за теглене на песента.

Самото изпълнение е доста забавно – дълго е десетина минути и е горе-долу толкова мегабайта. Заслужава си.

The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All

(Martian Compilation)

Old Noah was mucking the Ark out one day,
When he heard a great shriek from the neighbouring stall.
Said he to poor Ham, who was hugging his loins,
„Ah, the hedgehog, my boy, can’t be buggered at all.“

„The humans are out, if you value your life:
It’s incest, my son, since we’re relatives all…
Unless you’d make love to your very own wife!
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
Bestiality sure is a fun thing to do,
But I have to say this as a warning to you:
With almost all animals, you can have ball,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.“

„The spines on his back are too sharp for a man,
They’ll give you a pain in the worst place they can.
The result I think you’ll find will appal:
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.“

You can sodomise goats, you can bugger a bull,
Or ream out the hole of a deer with your tool,
The ass in its stable, the ox in its stall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The sheep is a classic, as well you may find,
Of the donkey, be wary when standing behind.
You can bugger the cow, (I will not tell you how),
And the boar, the piglet, the shoat and the sow.
If you’re feeling quite coarse, you can bugger the horse,
The pony, the mare, and the stallion of course.
You can bugger alpacas when chained to the wall,
But the hedgehog you never can bugger at all.

The spines on his back are so awfully thick,
You’ll end up with naught but a pincushion prick.
He has an impregnable hole in a ball,
Hence the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Mounting a zebra can often be fun,
An elephant too; though it’s more than a ton.
For the bush baby’s come-to-bed eyes we all fall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bugger a camel with one hump or two,
Or a blue-arsed baboon, or a monkey in lieu.
If you’re that kind of fool, and you have a long tool,
You can try a giraffe, if you stand on a stool.
You can hump a zebu if it doesn’t hump you
And a wildebeest’s really got something quite gnu.
Or perhaps try a leopard, if you have the gall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Oh it may be a handful and cute as a bun,
You’d think he’d be perfect for sexual fun,
But its hatpin-like pubic hairs prove to us all,
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all,

For sex in the bush you can fuck with a wombat,
Or strive with a ‘roo in venereal combat,
Or hump a goanna – go on, do it all.
But echidnas can never be buggered at all.

The wallaby’s cute, the koala is cuter,
The possum plays dead when you’re trying to root ‘er,
The dunnart’s receptive if you are in need,
And the quoll is well shaped for accepting your seed.
The platypus flirts in the mud of his pool,
And the bandicoot’s passage may welcome your tool.
With the brown potoroo yes, the pleasure may pall,
And echidnas can never be buggered at all.

The spines on his back are so sharp and so thick,
You’ll end up with naught but a perforate prick.
This risk to the penis has led to the call,
That echidnas must never be buggered at all!

You can bugger the gopher, the elk and raccoon,
The polar bear too, by the light of the moon.
When molesting a beaver, stand proud and stand tall,
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bandit a bison or shirt-lift a lemming,
No need for discretion, though folk are condemning.
The coyote is sexy when caught on all fours,
The puma is too, but beware of her claws.
You can bugger the grizzly in spite of its hair,
In winter, when he is asleep in his lair.
(Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall),
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

It’s spines are so sharp they are bound to dismember,
Your tool, lest a condom of steel you remember.
So heed ye this warning, from summer to fall,
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

You may pounce on your cat as he walks on his lone,
And make him sing out as you give him a bone.
The rat has a hole into which you can crawl,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

While you top a great dane you may think you look cool,
Though a Jack Russell might make you look like a fool.
The collie is fine if your mind is quite broad,
And the pug has a place you can sheath your pink sword.
A rabbit is fun, if you don’t mind the queue,
And a hamster can teach you a hot thing or two.
We’ve mentioned the horse, as I’m sure you’ll recall,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The spines on his back are too sharp for a man,
They’ll give you a pain in the worst place they can.
The result I think you’ll find will appal:
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

You can bugger the seal, you can bugger the eel,
You can bugger the crab, though they say it can’t feel.
With ‘gator and croc you can have quite a ball,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You’ll find that the turtle hides deep in his shell,
But if he relents then the feeling is swell.
The crayfish is tempting if just for a lark,
And a penguin or two, or a squid in the dark.
You can bugger the dolphin by blowhole or tail,
And likewise the porpoise and also the whale.
You can bugger the shark that you’ve chased in your yawl,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The spines on his back are so awfully thick,
You’ll end up with naught but a pincushion prick.
He has an impregnable hole in a ball,
Hence the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

If birds are a turn-on, you might try your luck,
With a chicken or turkey, a goose or a duck,
Orniphilia’s fine but remember withal,
That a hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can bugger an owl in the dead of the night,
Or a white cockatoo if you don’t mind a fight.
Make free with the pheasant, the partridge and quail,
Though when porking a peacock, first cut off its tail.
You can puncture a pigeon or diddle a dove,
Give the hawk and the eagle and falcon your love.
The charm of the magpie is sure to enthral,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

Oh it may be a handful and cute as a bun,
You’d think he’d be perfect for sexual fun,
But its hatpin-like pubic hairs prove to us all,
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all,

You can bugger the slug, though it messes the rug,
You can bugger the different species of bug.
If insects are your thing, man then just have a ball!,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

I’ve tried a stick insect, with some satisfaction,
And a housefly (it’s true), though with little reaction,
A mosquito will bite you, a scorpion fight you,
And a fling with a flea won’t do much to delight you,
You can try with a snail, if you slow to a crawl,
Or fuck with a moth if your weenie is small.
With a funnel-web spider the fun’ll just stall,
And the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

The spines on his back are so sharp and so thick,
You’ll end up with naught but a perforate prick.
This risk to the penis has led to the call,
That a hedgehog must never be buggered at all!

Zoophilists all, from the city or plain,
If you take my advice you will save yourself pain.
When the temptation strikes then it’s best to recall,
That the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

You can have your own way, with reptiles and birds,
And the joy from young fishes is far beyond words.
To fondle and frolic with mammals is great,
And nothing compares with the invertebrate.
All kinds of beasties with feather or fin,
Will lift up their tails and welcome you in.
>You can fuck almost everything under the sun,
But to bugger a hedgehog just cannot be done.

It’s spines are so sharp that they’re are prone to dismember,
Your tool, lest a condom of steel you remember.
So heed ye this warning, from summer to fall,
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

Though they give you the eye and they tip you the wink,
Bringing you to the point where you’re just on the brink,
Spurning advances will be your best call,
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!

The hedgehog escapes the posterior rapes,
Performed upon others of different shapes.
Those who run, swim, or slither, they get it withal,
But the hedgehog just never is buggered at all.
At the end of the day, when you’ve had your rough way,
With all of those creatures, you’ll just have to say:
„That damned Erinaceous has been my downfall!“
For the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

So here’s to the hedgehog, he’s sharp as they come,
You’ll never get through his impregnable bum,
With his nose up his arsehole and rolled in a ball,
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all.

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9 Коментари to “The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All”

  1. coleto Says:

    Aaaaaa големи благодарности от голем фен.
    света щеше да е друг без леля Огг.

  2. exiler Says:

    Аз пък гласувам за Котака. 🙂

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